As I have mentioned elsewhere on this website, I think the quality of reflection on marital lovemaking on websites today is generally pretty poor. (Moreover, there is not a lot of “reflection,” though there is a huge amount of portrayal of sex acts.) Finding thoughtful comments on marital sexuality is not common.
So I was really struck by a piece I stumbled over recently, at: https://khsministry.com/2019/12/12/12-truths-wives-tell-us/
It talks about 12 truths wives would like their husbands to know about marital sex, and almost everyone of them hits the bullseye. (Some may be more important in some marriages than in others, as they say themselves — husband’s use of porn and past abusive sexual relationships are not going to be important factors in every marriage — but, still, what is said about them seems quite sensible.)
I particularly like the contrast between the first and second lines of some of the points. For example:
“She likes sex too. . . . . But perhaps different aspects than her husband.”
“She doesn’t know how to tell him what she likes or wants. . . . She may not even know what she likes or wants.”
I’m sure the truths are not intended to be listed in order of importance. That might be a very interesting discussion. I’d certainly give a lot of emphasis to:
“Your treatment of her and your family away from the bedroom affects her openness to sexuality.”
“She really, truly, totally—please-hear-her-on-this-one—wants foreplay.”
“Women’s sexuality doesn’t look like men’s.” (As I discuss on this website here.)
“She wants to feel like more than a sex partner.”
Kudos to the authors of this post. And, in general, the website takes a very commonsense approach to marital lovemaking. (My only reservation is the willingness to tolerate, or even encourage in some cases, mutual masturbation, losing sight of the need for true sexual union, not just mutual pleasure, as I discuss here.) We owe gratitude to those who offer such thoughtful comments on marital sexuality.